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And so, as we draw towards the end of the year, it seems only fitting to mark the occasion with a peek at a year in the life of a decidedly unsuccessful Georgian marriage.

After marrying on New Year’s Day, our happy couple spend the next twelve months swinging wildly from love to loathing (probably reaching a particularly low point when she gave birth to a daughter seven months in). By December, the long-suffering husband is forced to confront the fact that his wife has been unfaithful when… he finds her in bed with another (and let’s face it – considerably less attractive) fellow.

Life truly is a rollercoaster.

 

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JANUARY the first the knot was ty’d
Which prov’d I thought a happy day;

FEBRUARY quarrel’d with my bride,
Which put my love that month astray.

MARCH to please I did my best
But all my kindness prov’d in vain,

APRIL out she went full dress’d,
And I, alas! left to complain.

MAY she return’d, flew to my arms,
I embraced the dear deceiver,

JUNE deluded by her charms,
Love blinded me, and I believ’d her.

JULY suspicion fir’d my breast,
A pledge of love she brought (a daughter)

AUGUST contention marr’d our rest;
I curs’d the hour I ever sought her.

SEPTEMBER vex’d, I view’d my bargain,
But no resemblance could I trace;

OCTOBER Madam su’d for pardon,
Whilst crocodile tears, bedew’d her face.

NOVEMBER touch’d with keenest pain,
Forgave her all, which sure was civil;

DECEMBER caught her with her swain
(In bed) and kick’d ’em to the Devil.

almanack

– ‘A Matrimonial Alliance’ (1804). Courtesy of the Lewis Walpole Library.

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